Date 8

Since I work a ton of hours, and don’t have much free time, Tinder is my primary source of dating. It’s dating for lazy people. Honestly, I am not a huge drinker and don’t like crowds. Or noise. So bars are not my thing. I’ve been hit on on the sidewalk while waiting for a cab or uber, and it’s happened quite a few times, but it kind of weirds me out. Because I work in technology, I tend to like guys in the same field. I feel like I have something in common with them (except for the fact that I don’t like the Star Wars franchise). While scrolling through Tinder I was super-liked by this guy named Josef. And he worked for a “major” technology company (I’ve watched a lot of Wheel of Fortune where you can’t say the name brand), and he was a back end engineer (that is not a euphemism). The guy was really hot. Like my type to a T. Tall, dark hair, glasses. Which sounds dorky but he was more model looking. We chatted back and forth for awhile and the following Saturday night I invited him over. He was half Swiss/half British. So he had a nice accent. He came over to my apt. We made small talk and then he went into how he just broke up with his ex-girlfriend and she was also Jewish like me. But she just didn’t want to be with him anymore. And he missed her. So then I felt like a consolation prize. And I almost told him to leave. But he’s like “you are so nice and so pretty”. So I thought “fine…he can stay”. We watched a movie and drank wine and then started making out. And then moved to the bed. And as he undressed, I realized he wasn’t circumcised. Because I’m Jewish and have dated mostly Jewish guys, even ones that weren’t Jewish were circumcised. I had a mini freak-out like “what do i do??” “why is his penis wearing a cloak” and “it kind of looks like those Auntie Anne’s hot dog wrapped in a pretzel thing”. I didn’t want to give him a blow job because I didn’t think I’d know what to do. I wouldn’t even know how to put a condom on it. I like simplicity. Im pretty sure I didn’t know what i was doing. I just kept pushing that annoying extra skin back. I wanted to tape it down. Luckily he put on the condom. He was very dominant. Like into choking and spanking. Which normally I would like but I was still weirded out by the yam-looking penis. So we had sex. and then after sex he talked about his ex some more. And then had sex again. And then fell asleep. And the next day we woke up and walked to the train together because I had to go to meet a friend. But being on the train with him was so awkward. We had nothing to say to each other. Normally with someone who works in tech I’d have a ton of things to say. But I think I just had foreskin shell-shock. Which should be a recognized psychological disorder. I never saw or talked to him again but every once in awhile when i use a particular nameless search engine, i do think about him and hope he got back together with his ex.

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